My New Year's Fashion Resolutions
1. Put together a wardrobe of perfectly crafted minimal basics, so instead of complaining about not having anything to wear, and sitting on bedroom floor in a heap of clothes on Monday morning, can be effortless feng shui fashion goddess in perfect black jeans and crisp white shirt.
2. Buy shoes I can walk in. Sounds foolproof enough, except seem to have accumulated entire wardrobe of shoes with slippery soles, so icy winter pavements become an exercise in not falling over, as, like pantomime policeman, pick my way over icy spots by plodding in strange wide-legged stance.
3. Stop buying lipglosses that make hair stick to face so I look like a yeti in windy weather.
4. Stop waiting for special occasion to buy glamorous party dresses, resulting in mad dash around the shops at 7pm on a Saturday night muttering "fuck, fuck, fuck" under breath as try to squeeze in and out of too tight acrylic. Instead, after calming cup of peppermint tea, hit sales in January, stock up on dresses for the rest of the year, and indulge in immense smugness during weddings, posh birthday parties and summer festivals where instead of aping Kate Moss in denim hotpants and wandering around with unsightly smudge of mud just under left buttock can be Zelda Fitzgerald in something gauzy and floaty.
5. Buy more ethically produced clothing. After all, what is use of buying tons of jewellery and scarves for under a fiver from Well-Known-High-Street-Brand-I-Don't-Want-To-Sue-Me when can't sleep at night if actually wear them due to Bangladesh factory collapse...?
6. Track down that mysteriously perfect lipstick friend uses but provokingly refuses to give name of. Considering hiring private detective. Clearly not excessive, but good, sensible use of money, resulting in lifetime of inner peace and smuggery.
7. Fuck the mortgage, buy the Chanel bag.